why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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