My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pants are for mortals
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
