ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My ass is underappreciated
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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