when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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