I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
