Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
