Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
