I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
