Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize