We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
