just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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