god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
