UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it glows. i had to have it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
