I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
