Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
