I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
