I wish I could teleport
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
