white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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