yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
