I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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