He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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