he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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