I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
