im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
