I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
