one might say we're banned from that church
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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