You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize