someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
