Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
