You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
