I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize