Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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