We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
