NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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