We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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