He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
