A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
