It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
