It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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