Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
