So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
