PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
