we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
