So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
