God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
