THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
