you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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