News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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