I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
