Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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