you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
