mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
