Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
