OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
