did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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