We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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