Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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