Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
