You can't special order awesome
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
