He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
