I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
