My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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