didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
