Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize