I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
