ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
