is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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