bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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