fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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