Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
