if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
