JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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