i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
