Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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