How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
