Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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