I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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