While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
