My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
